


gamma

by clarakent (salazarastark)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alpha Bruce Wayne, Alpha Dick Grayson, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Fertility Issues, Jason Todd Has Issues, M/M, Omega Jason Todd, Omega Kyle Rayner, Omega Tim Drake, Polyamory, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-07 20:01:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20315194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salazarastark/pseuds/clarakent
Summary: Jason finds out that he's Dick and Tim's soulmate and doesn't want to trouble them with his screwed up life and ruin their happiness. Of course, they don't see it that way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Mandy's fault, so it's only fitting to post it on her birthday! I really hope you enjoy this fic!
> 
> Betaed by the incredible njw, ayzengima, and strawberryjei, encouraged by the incredible people on the Capes & Coffee Discord. The critical heats are njw's invention, so all thanks to that wonderful idea must go to her.

Jason slowly enters Dick and Tim’s window. He doesn’t want to disturb them with the door, but he needs to talk to them.

In actuality, he really needs to vent to them. Bruce is irritating, Damian is a demon, and no one else that he can call is available. Granted that’s only four people, and Roy, Kory, Kyle, and Donna each have their own thing going on, but is it too much to ask for a little attention?

He creeps through the living room. Dick and Tim are strangely silent; usually one of them would have confronted him with a baseball bat by now. He wanders through the hallway and towards the bedroom. The door is almost totally closed, but not completely, which makes Jason feel fine as he pushes the door the slightest amount and it opens up, revealing a fucked out Tim and Dick on the bed, both of them sound asleep. Tim’s tucked into Dick’s arms, completely on top of Dick, head underneath his chin. Dick’s snoring loudly and somehow, it does not wake Tim up.

Jason had forgotten that Tim’s heat was this weekend. He’s about to turn away and leave, come back later and pretend like he never saw them, when he sees the small mark on Tim’s left shoulder.

He’s never seen Tim’s soulmark. He hasn’t seen Dick’s either, and it’s not very polite to ask.

It’s three small birds, arranged in a triangle. A blue one at the top, and then two red ones on either side. Dick is Tim’s soulmate, which means that Dick has that mark somewhere on his body as well.

Just like the one Jason has on his right shoulder.

There's a distant pounding, a roaring in his ears. He stumbles back out of the room, hitting the wall with a light thud. Jason can still see the bed where Tim is stirring; Dick pulls him close and Tim settles.

He has a soulmate.

He has two soulmates.

His soulmates are Tim Drake and Dick Grayson, the two people Jason has the biggest crushes on, despite knowing he would never have a chance with them. Why would they need Jason?

But apparently Jason is soulmates with them, which is all kinds of fucked up from the universe because how in the world is  _ Jason _ on the same level as  _ Tim and Dick _ ? How in the world can he deserve...?

He feels strange and feverish, and he's starting to have trouble breathing. He looks up at Tim and Dick, and then bolts out of the apartment. He can't stay here, he can't let them know.

They're going to try to accommodate Jason in their lives when he'll just be a burden on them.

He's not going to force himself on them.

It’s better to leave.

He gets up and stumbles down the hall, leaves through the window and locks it behind him.

There's something wrong with him. He thinks it's a panic attack, but panic attacks don’t make you feel feverish and give you stomach cramps. Then again, maybe it's just his kind of panic attacks.

Whatever it is, Jason just wants it to stop.

Without thinking, he runs to the nearest safehouse. It's only five minutes away, and he can get underneath the covers and try to forget all about this.

All about  _ them _ .

He vaguely registers the strange looks that he gets as he runs through the streets, but he doesn't care. It's Gotham; a panicked man running through the streets is nothing new.

He barges into the building, storms up the stairs, and gets into his apartment and just barely manages to close and lock the door before he's running to the sink to throw up everything he ate yesterday.

He still feels strange.

He still feels awful.

Jason stumbles into his bedroom, falls down face first on the bed. He grabs one of his pillows and curls around it, hoping that it can get rid of this strange ache inside of him.

He whimpers, and he realizes he's crying.

Jason can't remember the last time he cried. He brings a hand up to his face to wipe his tears away, but they won't stop falling. He still feels strange, still feels feverish, and his back is still cramping.

And there's something between his thighs.

He frowns. His head is really starting to hurt, and he's having trouble thinking straight, but he knows there's something on his thighs, something thick and wet and strange. As gross as it is to think about, it doesn't feel like any sort of waste. With a grimace, he slides his hand into his pants to touch...

To touch something that if he didn't know better, he would say was slick, but it can't be.

Jason's a beta, not an omega, and anyway, he's twenty-four. He's way too old to be presenting for the first time. Impossibly old; he thinks the oldest known case is twenty-one.

But then a cramp hits, and Jason curls around the pillow, whimpering and squeezing his eyes shut from the pain, and he can feel more slick on his thighs.

Shit.

Well, when he was younger, he always wanted to set a world record in  _ something _ . He hoped it would be for having the most money in the world though, and he shuts down the bitter, hysterical laugh that is threatening to bubble up.

He grabs his phone from his pocket, hands shaking as his vision blurs. He's going into another panic attack, and for the life of him, he can't remember how to calm himself down.

There are only three omegas that he feels close enough to call. He can't call Tim, because as soon as he sees Tim he's going to try and blurt out the whole story and Tim doesn't need that. He can't call Clark, because he would blurt out the whole story to Clark, who would tell Bruce, who would tell Tim and Dick. He can really only call...

Kyle. He can call Kyle, because Jason trusts Kyle to keep a secret and himself not to spill the beans about this to Kyle.

He takes a deep breath, presses the call button, and brings the phone to his ear. It rings and rings and rings, and then finally goes straight to voicemail. Jason hangs up and tries again only to hear, "Hey, this is Kyle! Leave a message at the beep and I'll call you back as soon as I can." With a disgusted sigh, Jason disconnects and throws the phone on the bed. He tightens his grip on the pillow, and tries to ride out the painful cramps.

Jesus Christ. He has a newfound respect for Tim, Clark, Kyle, and every single other omega he knows. Going through this every few months, spending three days curled into a ball except when filled with the need to be fucked? He doesn't know how they do it.

More slick is making its way down his thighs, and his pants are drenched right now. He forces himself to sit up, and stands up on shaky legs. He thinks that he must look like a newborn colt as he catches himself on the wall, his legs unable to support his weight. He manages to make his way to the bathroom. He takes off his clothes, flinching as he sees how much he’s sweated through his shirt and how sticky his pants and underwear are.

Jason looks at himself in the mirror. He's sweating and flushed all over his body and he can see the gleam of the slick on his thighs that's slowly trickling out of him. He's covered with the scars that's he's gained all his life, standing out starkly right now, white against the red blush. His cock is flushed and half-hard, and he's literally swaying back and forth, like a small breeze can tip him over.

He looks disgusting.

If Jason's an omega, and despite his deepest hopes, it really looked like it's the case, he doesn't understand. Omegas aren't tall and broad-shouldered, don’t have Jason’s perpetual frown and scars. They usually look like Tim, with his slender build and delicate features and long black hair. Or they're lithe, like Kyle, Oliver, Wally, and Hal. Even Clark, who's tall and broad like Jason, is soft and cheerful in everything he does, and doesn't look so harsh.

Jason's not them.

Jason didn't think he was  _ like _ them.

(But it does make sense. Jason has never thought of himself as an omega, but he's had dreams of carrying Dick's child that left him waking up scared, and hard, and empty. He has had the impulse to calm and soothe angry alphas ever since he was little. He doesn't want to admit it, but something deep inside him seems to have known the truth long before Jason did.)

He manages to fumble the shower on, but he can't stand up. He collapses into the cold water, sighing with relief. His stomach cramps again and he wants to vomit, but he doesn't know if that's psychological or physical.

He pants and stares up at the ceiling, forces himself to think. Being an omega changes things. Being Dick and Tim's soulmate changes things. He doesn't think he should let anyone know about the former. He certainly can't tell anyone about the latter. He made a mistake by calling Kyle, and luckily the other man didn’t pick up. He'll figure this out.

He'll figure both of these things out.

He'll do it as soon as he no longer feels like he's on fire and every nerve in his body doesn't hurt and he doesn't feel like crying. He'll try to get his hands on suppressants and scent blockers after this, use them until he knows how he wants to handle this.

Jason shifts underneath the water. He's slowly becoming aware of the other aspect of heat, the one that goes beyond pain. The one that's begging for a strong alpha to hold him down and push his knot into him and fuck him until he's filled and sated and  _ bred _ . Without even thinking about it, Jason's hand goes lower down the planes of his stomach, past and behind his cock, until his fingers are pressing lightly against his hole and he's about to push them in when the faceless alpha above him looks like Dick, is fucking him the same way that Dick must fuck Tim. Jason's eyes fly wide open with panic and he moves his fingers away. He can't think like that, he  _ shouldn't _ think like that.

Dick's not his, he'll never be his. Dick is Tim's, he’ll only ever be Tim’s.

He still feels unable to stand, but luckily, his soap, shampoo, and conditioner are within his reach. He moves as fast as he can to get himself washed and cleaned, but he remembers Tim complaining about showers needing to be taken twice a day sometimes in heat, if not more, while Kyle nodded his head in understanding. This is probably a futile attempt to get clean, but it's one that he has to do. He can't just sit back do nothing as his life tilts upside down.

When he finishes, he turns off the water and crawls out of the shower, just to throw up as his stomach cramps again. Already more slick is appearing, and he whimpers at the thought of doing this again in a few hours. Still, he manages to stand and use the wall to get back into his bedroom and into clean sweats, collapsing on his bed and getting under his covers as soon as he can. With a deep breath, he falls into a fitful sleep.

*

He wakes up when a hand touches his shoulder. Without thinking, pure panic and muscle memory moves through him. He leaps out of bed and grips the wrist, pulling it tightly behind their back.

"Ow, ow, what the  _ fuck,  _ Jason?" he hears faintly, and frowns. His vision changes from the Pit green it had been and he looks down to see Kyle. Kyle hisses as he gets his wrist back, rubs it and turns to look at Jason.

Now that he doesn't have terror coursing through him, he finds it hard to stand, falling back on the bed.

Kyle is still staring at Jason, a strange look on his face. "Jason, why do you smell like an omega?" he asks.

Jason shrugs, exhausted in body and soul. "I guess I am one," he answers bluntly. "Started this morning. I don't know why," (that's a lie) "and I don't know what to do."

Silence. Then, a strangled, "Jason, you're  _ twenty-four _ . You should not be having your first heat at this age. Something is seriously wrong."

He knows that. He just doesn't want to think about it.

Jason curls around the pillow, and he wonders just how pitiful that must make him look as Kyle touch his arm lightly. "I don't feel good," he moans. "How the hell do you do this every three months?"

Kyle slowly moves his fingers up and down his arms and despite himself, Jason closes his eyes and sighs. It feels nice and it reminds him of when he was younger. His mother would curl around him when he had nightmares. "I take birth control that makes my heat every nine months, just like most heroes do. Tim's the exception because he and Dick like to fuck like rabbits during his heat. I mean, have you seen the betting pool about when you're going to become an uncle? I say he's going to be pregnant within the year, if there isn’t a newborn."

Kyle means well, he's trying to calm Jason down and joke about happy things, but the thought of Tim being pregnant with Dick's baby pulls a whimper from Jason.

Kyle must think it means something else. "Hey, do you want me to call him? He would be here in an instant and I gotta be honest, he'd probably be a bigger help than I am."

Of course, he would, and Jason hates the burst of resentment that comes through him. Tim's the perfect omega, the perfect soulmate. He presented when he was thirteen, hasn't ever taken birth control that changes his heats. Jason thinks he's only had three heats that have been disordered in all that time. He knows two were totally skipped, one caused by the stress of losing Jack Drake and one caused by losing his spleen. One of them was caused by Jason beating him almost to death and leaving the message "Jason Todd was here," forcing him into a critical heat that Dick had to help Tim through. He remembers that it was their first time. Tim was only sixteen.

He remembers Dick screaming at him when he was getting his ass kicked by an outraged Nightwing, and realizing why all the villains in Gotham were scared of Dick. He had beaten the Joker to death with his bare hands for simply thinking that the villain had killed Tim (and couldn't be bothered to return to Earth for Jason's funeral and certainly felt no motivation to kill the Joker for Jason), and he was willing to go much further to protect Tim.

Of course, Tim's going to have a baby with Dick soon, how could they not? They'll have a perfect baby with black hair and blue eyes and chubby cheeks and Jason will love them so much, will love them so much that he won't disrupt their lives by telling their parents the truth.

He's crying again, he realizes, sobbing actually. Kyle's above him, and Jason's trying to make out the panicking and soothing words, but all he can do is cry, grip the sheet with one hand and hold the pillow closer with the other. His stomach hurts so much, he feels so empty inside, and he feels like his head is about to explode.

He doesn't know how long and hard he cries, he just knows that somewhere in the middle of his crying jag, he ends up in Kyle's arms, held close while all the pain and misery he's ever felt . . . well, he can't get rid of it in one crying jag, but there's a lessening of it, just a little.

Jason doesn't know what he's going to do.

He doesn't know how long he cries, but eventually he stops. That's probably more out of dehydration than anything else though. He's lying on Kyle's chest, and Kyle doesn't seem to mind the large wet spot on his shirt. He's rubbing Jason's back with one hand, the other carding through Jason's hair.

"I won't call Tim," Kyle says, sounding a little teary himself. "I don't care what the reason is, I won't call him."

He knows Kyle just said he didn't care, but he still feels like he owes him one, but he can't think of anything to say other than, "He's too good."

"I'm sure not as good as you think," Kyle says. "And you know he would never judge you."

Jason shakes his head. That's not the point. "I just . . . I'm just not like you guys. Or Clark or Wally or Hal or Ollie."

"And what are we?"

"I don't know." Jason starts to cry again. That's a surprise. He honestly thought he had no more inside him. "But it's something better than me. It's not  _ broken _ ."

"Fuck, Jay. You're not broken. Yeah, I'm terrified that this is your first heat and we really need to know the reason why, but you're not broken."

Kyle's not going to listen to reason, so Jason drops it and moves on to his next concern. "Are you going to tell anyone?"

There's a beat of silence, and Jason's stomach drops. "Who?"

Kyle sighs. "I'm only going to tell him if you don't, but Jason, you need to go to a doctor."

"No, I don't."

"Yes. You do. Twenty-one. That's the oldest known case of a first heat, and even then it was a cause for medical worry. Twenty-four? Jason, this is  _ major _ . I'm not letting you let this go just because you don't want to be a bother."

"Who are you going to tell?"

The silence stretches and finally he says, "I'm going to tell your father about this if you don't. Not a single other soul, but you need a doctor and Batman will make sure you get one who's discreet and  _ good _ ."

Jason gives a humorless laugh. "He's not going to care."

"Bullshit. You know he will."

Jason realizes that he's not going to win this argument. "Will you be waiting for the end of my heat, or calling him as soon as I fall asleep?"

Kyle is quiet for a moment. "What do you want me to do?"

Jason doesn't want him to tell Bruce anything, but he already knows that Kyle isn't going to let it go. "Call him now. Might as well get this over with."

He closes his eyes and listens to Kyle reach for his phone and start to call Bruce, and somehow, he falls back to sleep.

*

He wakes up to a rough, callused hand carding through his hair, and Jason blinks his eyes open. He's groggy, still in a hell of a lot of pain, and he feels disgusting between the slick on his thighs, the sweat on his body, and the tears on his face. He would take another shower if he could stand, but he doubts his body would support him now, even leaning against the wall.

He turns away from Kyle's chest to look up into his father's face. Bruce gives him a weak smile, but Jason can't find the energy to do anything other than close his eyes again.

"Jay," Bruce says, preventing him from going to sleep again. "Jay, I'm sorry, but I need you to answer a few questions."

"Like wha'?" he mumbles.

"Do you know what set off this heat?" Jason lies and shakes his head. "Do you remember ever feeling anything like this? A pre or mini heat?"

Jason opens his mouth to tell the truth this time, to say no, but a memory flickers in the back of his mind. When he came back to life, when he was lying in the hospital, he remembers a fever, he remembers. . . .

The memory leaves him, but Bruce is the world's finest detective. "Jason, what is it?"

"Before the Pit," he says. "There might have been something, but I don't know exactly."

"Okay, that's good to know," Bruce says. "That's something we can build on. Right now though, we should get you to the hospital."

Jason whines, high and pitifully, and both Kyle and Bruce still. If he could, he would blush. He sounded like an omega then, a young one. It’s a sound that’s typically made when they need comfort from a parent. It's a noise that Jason never thought would be coming from his lips, and it's not a noise that he thinks  _ should _ be coming from them. Bruce growls lowly, and then proceeds to lift Jason up. Jason's head lolls to the side, resting against a shoulder.

"Do you need any help?" he hears Kyle ask.

"Do you know how many heats I helped Tim with before Dick took over? I got this."

"He really doesn't want to go to the hospital," Kyle adds. "Did I- Did I make the right call?"

"You told me my son needed me. That's  _ always _ the right call."

Bruce leaves his apartment, still carrying him, and it sounds like Kyle following quickly behind. "I'm coming with you. He's my friend and he called me."

Bruce stops in the middle of the stairs and turns towards the sound of Kyle's voice. There's silence and Jason can only imagine the glare that he's being subjected to. Finely there's a short, "Don't get in the way."

Time blurs after that. Jason's in the car, head in Kyle's lap. Then he's in the hospital, taken to private suite, and there are doctors around him, asking questions and saying things that Jason can't understand and he might as well go back to sleep now, so he does.

*

He wakes up on soft sheets, hearing a heart monitor, and the pain feels dulled. He sees the Gotham skyline sparkling like stars in the window, Kyle sleeping on a cot, and Bruce awake in a chair next to his bed, face illuminated by the blue light of the tablet he's working on.

"Bru'?" he manages to get through dry lips, and before he finishes, Bruce is up and getting a straw and cup ready for him, placing it in between Jason's lips so he can drink the cold liquid. He closes his eyes in delight at it.

"Hey there, Jay," he whispers, one hand lightly touching his face. It's nice, nicer than Jason would have ever thought. He smells Bruce, he smells the alpha, the  _ father _ . Jason remembers even when he was little, liking Bruce's smell so much more than Willis's. Bruce was the first alpha that Jason had ever trusted, had ever loved, had never feared. Even after everything, those memories still can't leave Jason. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Jason says, voice hoarse, leaning back onto the pillows. "I don't hurt so much."

Bruce's face collapses into relief. "That's good, Jay, that's really good."

It is, but despite the relief, there's still a line of tension in Bruce's shoulders. "What's wrong?" There's no need to drag this out, it might as well get out in the open.

"When the doctors were examining you, they noticed something." Fear flares up in Jason. His soulmark? Legally, they can't say anything to Bruce about his soulmark looked like. Besides, he has a cover over it. There's no need to look behind it unless medically necessary, which he doubts it would have been. But Bruce's next words weren't what he expected. "They found a suppressant in you."

He frowns. "A what? Bruce, I didn't  _ know _ I was an omega, how could I possibly be suppressing it?"

Bruce sighs and sits back down. "It looks old, and like it's been in you way too long. They had to remove it because they didn't want it hurting your body anymore. I'm doing tests on it now, but they said because of its age, it was only barely functioning. Any major emotional shift was going to override the hormonal control it had over you, and kick start your heat." There's a pause, a space for Jason to say what it was, but Jason purses his lips together and refuses to breathe a word. "They think it was put in when you had a pre or a mini heat, and those are common in malnourished children presenting late. But since you would have remembered that, it must have been-"

"Before the Pit." There's a silence that settles in Jay, that stutters his mind. Someone did this to him. Someone took his body and  _ changed _ it without him having a single clue about it. They took something away from him, his heats, his knowledge of who he really is. Of course, he isn't defined by his dynamic, but. . . .

But this isn't a new heat. It's an old one coming back with a vengeance. He feels his eyes pricking, and tries to blink the new tears away. (Seriously, he has not cried in years, why is this all happening tonight?) One or two still manage to escape, and softly, Bruce wipes them away.

"It was probably the League," Bruce continues. "I'm going to look into the hospital that was caring for you after you woke up, but that’s just a precaution. I don't think they would have done this, but the League . . . the League would have. I've been trying to get into contact with Talia to question her about this."

Jason nods, but he still can't fully put the puzzle together in his mind. It doesn't fit. He should have been having heats for years. He's been a beta for years. He's felt fine. He's never felt anything other than a beta.

"Jay, I know this is a lot," Bruce says. "I can't even  _ imagine _ what this must be like to find out, but it's going to be okay. I can call Tim here if you want me to, he's been doing this for years and he can help you with any questions you might have."

"No." He's tired of being asked if he wants Tim. He wants Tim more than anything in the world. But his emotions are too weak and he doesn't trust himself not to blurt the whole story out the moment he sees him. He doesn't care that Bruce, and Kyle who's been awake for at least the last five minutes but is kind enough to let Bruce talk, think it's strange. "I don't want anyone else to know."

"It's not going to change anything," Bruce says. "No one's going to think less of you and-"

"I fucking know they're not going to think less of me!" Jason snaps, the silence in him bursting into a pocket of red rage, but it leaves as quickly as it comes. He turns away from Bruce and Kyle and the window, looks at the shadow-filled wall. "I just . . . I just need to figure this out about myself before I tell anyone else."

"Okay," Bruce nods. "I won't tell.  _ We _ won't tell." He glares at Kyle, who's stopped pretending to be asleep and gives a nervous nod. Jason can see Bruce's glare. It's a promise to ruin Kyle if he breathes one word of this to anyone. He turns back to Jason, puts his hand back on Jason's cheek. Without thinking about it, Jason leans into it. "Well, Tim's heats started when he was thirteen and his parents never wanted to be there, so I have a lot of practice helping out with new heats."

Bruce just assumes he's going to be there to help Jason, that it's not even a question. Perhaps he should be angry at that assumption, but he can't be. He's just so glad that Bruce isn't going to leave him to deal with this alone.

"Is it hard?" he finds himself asking. "Doing this?"

Bruce turns to look at Kyle, who looks caught out at the attention. "Um, no? I mean, it is a little frustrating when you have to plan out your heats and the heats themselves are exhausting, but you know, you're either having hot sex or you're having some nice me time and catching up on things you've meant to do for months. So you win some, you lose some." He shifts on the cot. "But that's probably not what you mean, is it?"

Jason shakes his head.

"Well, it's not a hundred years ago. We don't have to worry about being bought or sold or being considered ruined if we're raped in our heats but not being seen as  _ victims, _ " Kyle spits that last word out, like there's something more there. Jason makes a mental note to poke around later, and from the corner of his eye, he sees Bruce's face and knows that Bruce plans on doing the same.

Kyle looks down at the cot, takes a deep breath, and then pushes on. "But there are still assholes who think just because you're an omega, they can bend you over and have their fun. And you do have to deal with insults and comments about how you only achieved anything by sleeping your way there from obnoxious alphas who're convinced that they're inherently better than you because they have a knot. And you hope and pray that if your soulmate is an alpha, they’re not one of  _ those _ alphas."

Jason doesn't know what to say about that, and he knows Kyle can see that as his mouth twists into a humorless smile. "I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I mean, both Clark and Ollie had a kid from rape, and who knows how many other heroes have come close, not to mention all the civilians who can’t even defend themselves the way we can."

Kyle takes a deep breath and his hand flutters across his stomach. "I don't want to say that you're lucky for not knowing about this until now, because you're not. It's fucked up that someone did that to your body and they kept a part of you locked away from yourself all these years. But it's hard growing up an omega, in so many small ways, and it's  _ something _ that you didn't have to deal with it."

"I grew up in Crime Alley," Jason butts in, and Kyle tilts his head.

"Yeah, but you didn't grow up an omega in Crime Alley, and you know that made a difference."

Kyle's right, and Jason looks down at his knees. Kyle gets up and grips one of Jason's hands in both of his, but he doesn't make Jason look at him and for that he's grateful. "Look, Jay, I  _ love _ being an omega. I'm proud of my dynamic and I wouldn't change it for the world. All of the crap that comes along with it is far outweighed by the good, and most omegas would agree with me. It's not a curse or something to be ashamed of. I won't breathe a word of this to anyone, but I'm there for you the moment you decide it's time to start telling people. Never doubt that."

Jason won't. He can't. Kyle's here for him right now, and he's going to be here for him always, no matter how much of a burden Jason is going to turn out to be. Bruce has a hand on Jason's shoulder, helping to keep him grounded.

"You can't go back on suppressors," Bruce says. "Probably not for the rest of your life. But I'll get strong scent blockers, and I'll make sure you have an ironclad alibi whenever you go into heat. No one will know."

"Am I still in heat now?"

Bruce nods. "Yes. The doctors gave you some medication that's slowing down your heat to help you get the rest you needed. But now that you're awake, I'm sorry Jay, but you need to go through it. That means feeling the whole thing. You barely escaped a critical heat. Now, I've already informed Tim and Lucius that I have unexpected business to take care of in Austria, and you had the contacts I needed. No one should be looking for us, though Damian will probably try."

Of course the brat will. He can never mind his own business.

But the only person that Jason thinks is good enough to figure out Bruce's lies is Tim, so as long as he finds them believable, he's in the clear.

But something Bruce said scared him. "Critical heat? How would I-?"

"That's another thing we need to discuss," Bruce says, shifting awkwardly in his seat. "Due to the line of work we're in, most omegas that you know have someone to help them if they're ever beaten hard enough to force their body into a critical heat. Now it's usually their soulmate, but you don't have one yet. We need to talk about who you would want to help you through it."

"No one," Jason says. "I don't want anyone to touch me."

Bruce wants to argue. Jason can tell. Bruce has statistics and facts and common sense on his side. If Jason is ever forced into critical heat, just like the one Jason sent Tim in years ago, then Jason's options are either find an alpha to knot him or risk death, and Bruce won't let him die again. If Jason hasn't chosen someone that he trusts, then Bruce will find someone to knot him because he would rather have Jason hate him with every fiber of his being than put him back in the ground. If Jason hasn't chosen someone else, Bruce will ask Dick to do it because Bruce won't be able to do it himself and Dick will do it because he would also rather have Jason hate him than be dead again and Tim will let him for those same reasons. If Dick helps him through a critical heat, Jason will tell him the truth and he'll ruin so many lives.

He knows this, and right now, he doesn't care.

He just wants to get through this heat, and then he'll make sure that will never happen. He doesn't know how, but he will.

Jason settles back against his pillow and closes his eyes. He doesn't know how long it'll be before the heat comes in, so he's going to get all the rest he can before it starts.

*

Jason wakes up feeling like he's on fire. He's whimpering before he's fully conscious, tries to wrap his arms around himself, but even moving feels like too much. He's aware of a wall of muscle behind him, the smell of an alpha that he recognizes as  _ father _ . He leans back, noses his face into the crook of Bruce's neck, and feels arms coming up to encircle him.

He hurts so much. He didn't know that pain could feel like this, and he was beaten to death with a crowbar and forced to crawl his way out of his own grave. His stomach is just one continuous cramp, and his thighs are coated with slick.

There's a cool cloth on his forehead, and it isn't much in the long run, but it's  _ something _ that Jason can focus on. "Hurts," he chokes out, and his throat feels like sawdust and nails.

"I know, kiddo," he hears next to his ear. "I know."

He's moved and he screams for that awful moment, but it ends with him laying down on top of his father, a hand on his forehead keeping the cloth on and another rubbing his back. He curls up tightly, and whimpers as he weakly clutches at his father's shirt.

"I don't wanna do this," he mumbles into the strong chest. "I can't do this, I just can't do this."

"You can, Jay. You're so strong, Jason, it amazes me."

He doesn't feel strong. He feels weak and pathetic. He doesn't know how he's going to survive this pain and this fear, but he tries to focus on the feel and the smell of the alpha below him. It's the smell of safety, and he doesn't want to let it go.

He shakes, and all Bruce does is rub his back and hold him.

Is this what Tim's heats were like until he started spending them with Dick? Just him and Bruce and comfort?

Is this what they would have been like if Jason had presented before Ethiopia? If he had never died?

He doesn't think it would have hurt so much.

"How long this gonna be?" Jason forces out, words jumbled together.

Bruce sighs heavily. "At least a couple days, Jay, but don't worry. I'll be here the entire time."

He whimpers again at the thought of this pain happening for a minute longer, and the arms tighten around him just a little bit more.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," Bruce whispers in his ear. "I'm here, I got you."

Lips brush the top of his head, a soft kiss is delivered, and Jason sinks into his father's chest.

The fever is overwhelming. It's burning every part of his body, but he still feels himself shaking in Bruce's arm and he grasps for the sheet that Bruce ends up having to find and tuck in around Jason. "Why do I feel cold?" His teeth are chattering. Why are his teeth chattering?

"It's because its your first heat. Your temperature fluctuates and you'll feel like you're burning up when you're ice cold and freezing when you're a furnace. It should level out over time."

"Should?"

"I'm going to be honest, Jay," Bruce's voice is deep with sympathy. "There's a very good chance that you'll never have a typical heat. The doctors are very worried about how long that suppressant was in you. It was heavy-duty, one for people who have irregular or terrible heats and it's better for their bodies if they don't have to deal with it for a couple of years. It shouldn't have been put in your body before you hadn't even started a heat and then left there for eight years."

"So what does that mean?" He hates how his voice trembles, but he can't stop it. It's terrifying finding out that he's an omega. It's even more terrifying to find out that he's an omega who might not even work right.

Jason feels the slight uptake in Bruce's chest as his breathing gets heavier. "There could be trouble conceiving one day. There's also a much greater risk for miscarriages and stillbirths. Your heats will probably be irregular for the rest of your life, and will likely fluctuate between very light and very heavy. Typically something they would put you on a suppressant for, but your body won't ever be able to handle one in your system again. And for better or worse, it's pretty much a guarantee you'll go into early menopause."

Jason doesn't even know if he wants kids, and now he has to confront the fact that he might not ever be able to give birth. He doesn't know much about how the omega body works, he never got the talk from anyone because everyone in his life thought someone else was taking care of it, but he's able to piece a lot of it together.

He stays curled up on Bruce’s chest, but the pain dies just enough that it makes opening his eyes a viable possibility. The blinds are closed, but he can tell that the sun is just starting to rise. Bruce has probably stayed up the whole night just to be there for him, just to make sure he isn’t alone. “Where’s Kyle?”

“I got him a hotel room, told him to get a good night’s sleep and something to eat. He’ll probably be here in a few hours, but I can call him if you need me to.”

Jason shakes his head. “No, it’s okay.” He bites his lip, and then asks, “What was Tim’s first heat like?”

“Tim had already presented when he came to me and insisted I needed a Robin. I wasn’t around for his first few heats.” Bruce hesitates before he says his next words. “But I don’t think it was very pleasant. Jack and Janet weren’t happy when they discovered he was an omega. He was surprised when I said that he could become my Robin. He didn’t think I wanted an omega by my side. Didn’t think I would trust him to pull his weight.”

The idea that Tim wasn’t fully capable of doing anything that was thrown at him was preposterous. Jason had seen that brilliant mind go to work, kick ass, and take names, both mentally and physically, to many times to count.

“And after he became Robin?”

“I was always there for him. I wasn’t going to let him suffer alone.” Bruce actually sounds offended that Jason would think he would do anything else.

“And if this had happened to me ten years ago? If I had presented when I was Robin?” He’s starting to cry again, but he doesn’t care.

Bruce wipes the tears away. “I would have been there for you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank meaninglessblah for betaing this chapter!!!

Every part of his body is sore. He wakes up whimpering and blinking in so much pain, he feels like he’s about to start crying again. He can feel the dry tear marks on his cheeks. He still manages to lift and prop himself on one elbow as he takes in the room. It’s daylight, and Jason has a feeling it’s not the next day. Kyle is nowhere to be seen, and Bruce is asleep in the chair next to him, hand right next to where Jason’s were. He’s unshaven and it looks like he hasn’t left the room.

But he doesn't feel like he's in the middle of the worst fever in his life anymore and he can actually move, which is a win in his book.

"You're awake," he hears from the doorway, and he turns his head quickly to see Kyle standing there, holding two cups of coffee.

He nods. "Yeah," and winces at how bad his voice sounds. "I am. How long was I out?" Kyle looks a hell of a lot better than Bruce, but there's stubble on his jaw and Jason can see the exhaustion in his eyes.

"Five days," Kyle said. "Docs have been pumping you full of hormones to help stabilize you, but there have been some close calls."

Jason frowns. "Five days?" That sounds both far too long and far too short. He can't afford that time, not with his cases, but at the same time he's twenty-four and just went through his first heat, he should be laid up in bed for another week or two. 

Kyle nods. "Yeah," he nods towards Bruce. "You have him to thank for that."

"How?" Jason blinks.

Kyle frowns. "Because Alpha parent scents are the best way to ward off critical heats?" Upon seeing Jason's shocked expression, Kyle's transforms into something far more sympathetic. "You didn't know?" Jason shakes his head. "Christ, what was your sex ed?"

"Didn't exist," Jason says with a yawn. He just woke up and already he would love to lay back down and go to sleep. Sleep is very nice and warm. "Just learned on the streets."

"That, that's a _ horrible _ place to learn about heats. Shit, what's the extent of your knowledge?"

"Heats happen around twelve to fourteen.” He shifts in the bed, not wanting to see either of their faces when he acknowledges the truth. “You dodge alphas until one catches you. It's usually going to be your soulmate, so good luck getting out of that shitstorm."

Kyle sighs. "That is . . . look, I know I said some shit last time you seemed lucid, but that's not exactly what being an omega's like and I guarantee that if you talk to omegas where you grew up, that’s not the be all and end all of a heat."

Jason shrugs. "Does it matter? Not like anyone's going to want me anyway." His soulmates are already happy and together. He’s seen how well they work together, efficiently and without a doubt, almost reading each other’s minds. They aren't going to want Jason coming into their lives to ruin it all. Dick and Tim don't even know about him. They'll never think of him that way, not like they’d think of each other. Jason can deal with his fuck-up biology himself. He’s been fending for himself long enough by now.

"Hey, don't say that," Kyle says, appearing at Jason's side suddenly. He jumps slightly, and blames the heat for making him lose his focus. Kyle softly brushes his hair away from his face. "There's still your soulmate."

Jason shakes his head. He doesn't want Kyle to know how much of an option that _ isn't _, but he also can't let him hold out on the thought that Jason's going to have a happily ever after. "Don't want to talk about it," he mutters as he lays back down and pushes his head into the pillow. He knows that Kyle is getting ready to explain how Jason is actually lovable, but luckily he's interrupted by Bruce waking up.

Fuck, he must have been _ exhausted _ if it took him this long to wake up. Jason moves and looks over to see Bruce blinking sleep out of his eyes, and then scrambling when he sees Jason awake and clear-headed. "Jay," he mutters. "How are you feeling?”

"Sore, tired. I want to get the hell out of here," Jason states. "How soon will that be?"

Bruce frowns. "At least a couple days. Jay, you were so sick. You need to stay in the hospital until we know everything is okay."

There are tears suddenly in his eyes, and he's blinking them back as hard as he can. He hurts and he just wants own bed. He just wants to go back to sleep and not worry about being an omega or having heats. Bruce is brushing the tears off his face and Kyle is carding fingers through his hair.

"What if it isn't?" he manages to force out in a husky, tear stained voice. "What if I'm broken permanently? I mean, I remember what you told me about my body now. It's already fucked."

"You're not _ broken _," Kyle whispers. "My worth as an omega doesn't come down to the children I can or can't carry. Yours doesn't either."

"Whatever," Jason mutters. "Still want to go home."

He can almost hear the silent conversation that Bruce and Kyle are having over his head. There's a part of him that wants to snap at them to actually talk to him, but the much larger part of him is content to let them figure this all out so he can just rest. Finally, Bruce sighs. "I'll talk to the doctor. Maybe he'll agree for you to leave tomorrow, and then we can go to the Manor. I'll talk to Tim, I'm sure-"

"_No_," Jason snarls. "I don't want to go to the Manor and I don't want Tim to know. I just want to go home and sleep and get past this. That's _ it_."

He can feel how stunned Bruce and Kyle are, but he doesn't care. Bruce asks first. "Jason, why?"

Jason can't admit the truth. He can't tell the truth about why he doesn't want Tim to be here, even though the idea of Tim's delicate fingers brushing the hair of his face while Jason lays in his lap sounds like heaven. Dick is also there in his fantasy, holding him tightly, rubbing his back as it cramps. He can't _ ruin _ them, ruin their happiness.

But Bruce is waiting for an answer and he won't let Jason do anything until he tells him something, anything. Jason opens his mouth, not sure what he's going to say, but-

"He's a good omega."

Not that. Jason doesn't know why he said that.

"What?" Kyle asks above him. "Jason, what the hell does that mean?"

Jason closes his eyes. "Look at him, okay? How the hell can I ever compare? I don't know how to be an omega, and I sure as hell don't look like one. I'm too big. Too loud. Really rough." He swallows a lump in his throat. "And let’s be honest, pretty ugly. I don't see why I should wreck Tim's life by making him get involved in this."

Bruce sputters. “Jason, are you serious? Do you honestly think Tim will care about that?”

Jason knows Tim won’t. He doesn’t care. “Look,” he spits out. “I _ don’t _ want Tim to know about this, okay? Can you please just fucking respect that?”

There’s silence, but then finally, two begrudging agreements come out.

He doesn’t care about the fact that they clearly hate it.

It’s his fucking decision.

*

He has to wait two days for the doctors to let him leave the hospital and throughout it all, Bruce and Kyle watch him like a hawk. He refuses to pay any attention to them, and just focuses on the moment that he can get back to his apartment and his bed and be _ alone_. He appreciates Bruce and Kyle, but they’re starting to become too cloying and too attentive.

His heart is starting to ache, and he does his best not to think about how Dick and Tim are just a few blocks away from him, happy and content in their own little world that won’t _ ever _ include him.

Jason won’t be so cruel to them.

He can finally crawl into his sheets, clean because someone washed them to remove the slick and sweat that he had forced onto them. He waves off Kyle and Bruce, though he knows that there’s so many bugs scattered around this apartment, it must be ridiculous.

He debates finding them all to destroy them, but decides against it for now.

Sleep is a much better idea.

Sleep is absolutely the best idea.

Jason's eyes are closing as he hears Bruce come back into the room, and the only energy he can muster is an eye-roll. Of course, his father can't stay away. He thinks about telling him to fuck off, but he doesn't have it in himself. He just rolls over, letting Bruce have enough room so that he can crawl into bed next to Jason and wrap his strong arms around his son.

Jason sighs contently, and drifts off into sleep.

*

He wakes up later, feeling much better. He can still feel the heat in his bones, but it's soft and the heat itself is actually gone. The doctors had told him that they weren't playing up normal rules when it came to Jason's heat; things that would work for the majority of omegas were useless with Jason because of the suppressant that had been found in his body.

When he found the fucker in the League that put it inside him. . . .

He wanted to tear their fucking throat out for doing this to him. The thought of this person deciding that they had any right to control his body made him want to fucking vomit and curl up in a small ball and burn the world to the ground. He places his hand on the small scar on his shoulder, opposite the one that bears his soulmark (_their _ soulmark) and that had the small fucker that had been slowly wreaking havoc on his body for years.

He becomes aware that Bruce isn't behind him, but the sound of food being made in the kitchen does rouse him. That's finally key to waking Jason up because he will absolutely not let this apartment burn down, he likes it way too much.

He stumbles out of bed and runs to the kitchen, only to find that Bruce, surprisingly, can actually cook. And it looks like he can cook well.

Does this mean that Tim's the only member of this family that should not be let loose in a kitchen?

Bruce looks up and smiles at him. "Hey, Jay," he whispers. "Feeling like pancakes?"

Jason _ feels _ like he stumbled into the twilight zone, but nods his eagerness for pancakes, and begins piling a plate full of them. He doesn't know when he's going to get back, he might as well enjoy what he has now.

"Are you ever going to leave?" Jason whispers out, his throat dry and aching. Bruce frowns, and Jason bites his lip and curses at himself. Jesus, when will he fucking learn? For once, Bruce is being pleasant and kind and making him fucking pancakes and now he's going to think that Jason wants him to leave when that's so opposite of what he actually wants.

What he really wants is for Bruce to wrap him up in a warm hug and hold him close, and for the past few days, he's actually gotten that.

"Shit, B," Jason forces out. "I'm sorry." He takes a deep breath. "I appreciate you staying, I'm just . . . I'm all turned out. Nothing feels like it should be."

Bruce places a strong hand on his back, and starts to rub it. "Omega problems?"

Jason gives a watery laugh. "You can say that. And just . . . fuck, B. I feel like everything in my life has just been shifted upside down." He sniffs. "Look, it's just . . . you spend the first thirteen years of your life thinking that you can be anything, any dynamic. And then you turn fourteen and realize you're probably not an omega. And maybe you feel happy and maybe you feel sad and maybe you don't give a shit. And then you die and come back and you wake up as a seventeen year old and you realize that since you haven't presented as an alpha, you probably aren't that either. And then you hit twenty and no late presentation has happened at all and okay, you're a beta, mazel tov. And for me, it was just woopdee-fuckin-doo because I honestly didn't give a shit about the dynamic I was, I just wanted people to respect me." He tears himself away from Bruce's hand, and grabs his plate as he moves to the living room, the large emotions in that small kitchen overwhelming him and forcing him to his feet.

He puts his plate down on the coffee table, but even though it actually looks really good, he can't bring himself to eat. He threads his fingers through his hair and starts pulling at the strands. "I did have a late presentation. But I was literally out of my mind and by the time I got back to it, I couldn't remember a single fucking thing about it and someone fucking took control of my body from me."

"Jason," Bruce said. "We're going to find exactly who was responsible for this-"

"It had to be Ra's," Jason interrupts. "He was the only one I can imagine caring about me being an omega. Everyone else in the League would have rather just have me become their fuck-toy and chances are that I would have popped out a few kids that I wouldn't have even registered as mine. An easy omega to share around as the League’s slut. Ra's? He wouldn't have wanted the bother, especially if he still thought that I could be used to get to you. And by the time I think he resigned to myself being useless and didn't want shit to do with me, he didn't care about taking it out." Memories of Ra's stalking and manipulating Tim spring into his mind, wanting Tim to bear his heir despite the fact that Tim had a fucking soulmate in Dick. And him; there was some dark irony there, but Jason couldn’t dwell on it. "Or he hadn't gotten around to it by the time Talia pushed me into the pit."

Tears well in his eyes, heavy emotions hitting him as he realizes the horrific fate that he had probably been saved from because of this suppressant, the one that he still didn't fucking want. Fuck, this is an issue that goes back to the problem that he's had always had in his life, and that is that he fucking _ died_. And then everything in his life became so fucking fucked because of that.

Bruce sits down next to him. "Jason, I'm sorry you weren't able to explore being an omega naturally after your first heat in a safe environment. And I'm so sorry that you had your will stripped away like that. But kiddo, I don't think you understand me when I tell you that no one in this family is going to reject you for being an omega."

"Damian had some nasty things to say about Tim," Jason points out. Things that he would reinforce. Talk about over and over again. Ways that he would want to poke a replacement and his insecurities seemed like the best place to start. 

Like how he only got to where he was because he was Dick's soulmate and that's the only reason he commanded respect, like it wasn't obvious to anyone with a brain that Young Justice and the new Teen Titans couldn't give less of a shit about who Dick was other than they were willing to give him a chance because he was _ Tim's _ soulmate.

Like how Tim's body couldn't handle suppressants well, so he would go through his heats because spending a few days in bed dazy and horny was so much better than throwing up constantly and having his entire body shake because it refused to metabolize a pill, and Jason made sure to have fun with that. If Tim was in heat and could only be on coms, Jason was laughing along with Damian about how useless he really was in places that only Tim could hear them.

God, how much does the universe hate Tim to make his soulmate Jason? He had tormented the poor kid for so long.

"_I _ said some pretty nasty things about Tim."

"Yes," Bruce nods. "A few years ago. Damian has grown up and would never insult an omega now. You have not insulted Tim for even longer. I don't agree with the words that either of you said to him, and those were the words I could _ hear_." He gives Jason a sharp look. "But I think Tim is willing to leave the past in the past if you are. And he certainly won't try and turn the tables."

Jason squeezes his eyes. "Yeah, I know. Tim is fucking perfect and so much better than me." He means for it to sound snappish and awful, poking right at Bruce for once again preferring the Replacement over him. All it does is come out resigned.

"No," Bruce says sternly. "He's not. He's made his own mistakes, and he's hurt you as well."

"No," Jason groans out. "_You _ hurt me when you took him in as Robin. _ You _ hurt me when you adopted him. _ You _ hurt me because all I saw was you carefully and methodically replacing me in every aspect with Tim Drake, the better, smarter, stronger Robin. Tim didn't do jackshit to me."

Bruce doesn't say a word, and then he shatters Jason's world.

"Tim's your soulmate, isn't he?"

Jason jerks his head to look at Bruce with wide eyes. Bruce continues on. "Dick too, I would assume, since Tim doesn't have another soulmark. So it must be the one that he shares with Dick, but for some reason you're focusing more on Tim. I'm assuming the omega aspect? Like you don’t want to intrude on another omega’s bond. Feeling not only that you can't come to him as a soulmate, but as an omega. And both at the same time. I assume the fact that Tim and Dick have known they were soulmates for eight years is another hurdle for you. I don't blame you for that one, I would find that terrifying myself."

Jason can't stop the knot in his throat from forming. Bruce sounds cool and methodical. He sounds like Batman, and Jason doesn't want Batman now. He wants his dad back. "Please don't tell them," he whispers. "I'm not ready."

Bruce suddenly looks so sad. "So they don't know. No, of course they don't. They wouldn't have left your bedside if they had known."

Jason closes his eyes as he curses Bruce for bringing that image into his head.

"They don't know I saw it. Please don't tell them. Not yet. I will soon, I swear."

Bruce looks at him with narrowed eyes. "You need to tell them soon. I'm giving you a week."

That's not enough time. He'll figure away out of it, but he knows that he'll only get Bruce's acceptance to not say a word if he nods now, and goes along with what he wants.

Bruce looks relieved to see his nod, and Jason ignores the pangs of guilt.

He reaches for his pancakes, a little soggy with syrup, and starts to eat them. They're really fucking good. He's halfway through when the age-old question of Bruce Wayne pops into his head, one that all his children have wondered.

"B, did you ever meet your soulmate?"

Bruce sighs. "Jason. . . ."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Jason mumbles, going back to his pancakes. "That was a shitty thing to ask."

"No, Jay, it wasn't," Bruce says. "I'm surprised that you're only asking now." He cracks a small smile. "Not surprised that you're the first one to do so."

Bruce grabs his pants leg and begins to roll it up, and Jason can't help but eye the white soul cover. Bruce rarely ever walks around without something covering his calf, especially not in public. But Jason knows that his soulmark is on his left calf, hidden by a cover like all theirs are. He still doesn't know how exactly Dick was able to accidentally able to see Tim's. He doesn't know how exactly he was able to go to Bruce and tell him the truth, that he was the soulmate of a thirteen-year-old omega. It just sounds like a fucking recipe for disaster.

He picks at the cover, and it peels off to see . . . four letters. A D, a J, a T, and another D. They're in a square, the D and J in one row and the T and the other D underneath them respectively. Each a mix of two different flowers. A robin resting on each letter. Jason doesn't have to ask, he knows exactly what they stand for. Not the flowers, but the letters?

"I was born without a soulmark," Bruce says casually. "And one never appeared as I got older. I didn't get one until the day I took in Dick when I was twenty-four years old, a D appearing on my leg in the birth-flowers of March. I wanted to tell him, but I didn't know how to tell a young boy that the universe designated him as a small part of me right after his parents died. And then more time went by and I knew how to say it even less. It wasn't an active soulbond, it was never going to appear on Dick. So I ultimately decided not to tell him. And then I took in you." He softly touches the J and smiles. "And again, it appeared. And then with Tim and then with Damian. My four sons. My four Robins."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jason whispers.

Bruce sighs. "I could tell you a lot of lies. But the truth is Jason, I was afraid." He raises his face to look into Jason's eyes, brown meeting blue. "Don't repeat my mistakes."

Jason nods. "Thanks for telling me." 

Bruce puts the cover back on and rolls down his pant leg. "I don't have a soulmate like you would think, Jay, but believe me when I tell you that there's no people in the world I value more and that I love more than the boys whose names I literally carry with me every day that I'm alive."

He takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay," he mutters. He continues eating. "These are really good pancakes."

Bruce smiles. "Thanks, Jay."

"You're an ass for making Alfred do all the cooking."

Bruce laughs, and Jason can't help but smile at the sound.

*

It takes a full day, but he manages to get Bruce out of his apartment and he _ finally _ revels in being home alone. He buries his head into his pillow and sleeps some more before getting up and spends an entire rereading _ Lord of the Rings _ bingeing on junk food. He actually manages to forget the fact that he's an omega and all the fucked up shit that comes along with it.

Almost.

It's six o'clock in the evening and literally the most effort that Jason has put into anything all day was changing from morning pajamas to night pajamas. And then some fucker has to knock on the door. Jason groans as he turns his head, trying to draw up any willpower to get up and move, but he finds it almost impossible. He's just so comfy here.

And then they knock again, and with a large groan to make it clear to himself and God that he's not happy about this, he gets up.

He glances through the peephole, and freezes when he sees that it's Tim.

No Dick in sight, which is the only saving grace.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jason runs back to his room and slaps on a scent blocker. He doesn't know how much like an omega he smells like now that he's out of his heat, and there's nothing he can do about his apartment. He just hopes that if his neck is covered, then Tim won't reach the logical while also very far-fetched conclusion that Jason is now an omega.

Now finding _ out _ that he's an omega.

He's always been one.

Jason rushes back to the door and takes a deep breath before he throws it open, pasting a weak smile onto his face.

"Hey," he forces out. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Tim says, an effortless and gorgeous smile on his face. "I'm actually- I'm actually doing a lot better than good. Can I come in?"

He nods inside the doorway, and Jason can't think of any reason to deny him. He nods weakly, and holds it up, enough for Tim to come inside. He brushes against Jason as he does so, and Jason literally jumps when he feels Tim against him.

"So what's the good news?" Jason forces out.

Tim is smiling widely, jumping on the balls of his feet. His hair is a beautiful mess around his face, and Jason feels the urge to brush strands of it and run his hands through it. There is literally no one more gorgeous in this world than Tim Drake.

"Two things actually. And you're one of the first people I wanted to tell." The admission sends a small burst of happiness through Jason, and as if on cue, Tim's smile grows wider. "Dick would be here too, but he got called into work and we were planning on telling everyone tomorrow. So I just wanted to come over and tell you before we made the big announcement."

Something hard settles in Jason's gut, and Tim frowns, but continues on. "I'm pregnant."

_ What? _

Tim pulls his hand out of his pocket, and Jason hadn't even realized that it was in it. There's a diamond ring on it. "And Dick proposed! I didn't even know that he was going to do it, and it wasn't because of my pregnancy, but fuck, Jason, it just all feels right."

Jason can't speak.

"Weren't you in heat?" he whispers. "You both took a few days off because you were in heat."

Tim shakes his head. "Mini-heat. More common than you think, especially in the first trimester. My body's just a little confused, but I'm _ not _. Come on, Jay, smile! You're going to be an uncle."

Everything feels like it's crashing around Jason. His soulmates are engaged and Tim's pregnant and they've been together for eight years and they're never going to want Jason. "How long?" he asks, feeling like he's speaking underwater. "How long have you known?"

"It's been ten weeks," but Tim sounds faint, and when Jason looks up, he sees how wobbly he is on his feet, how he's frowning. Something isn't right.

"Hey, Jason, you really need to turn down the heat in your apartment, it's June."

"I don't have my heat on," Jason gets out. "It's fucking June."

A look of fear crosses Tim's face, and he slides down to the ground. He places a hand on his heart. The ring glitters, and jealousy rises in Jason. Tim whimpers as his other hand lands on his stomach. He takes deep breaths, forcing out the words. "Jason, something's wrong."He looks up at Jason, tears starting to gather in his blue eyes. "I don't feel right. I don't know what's going on."

Jason is trying to gather emotions, but he can't. They're slipping out of his mind, all the anger and rage and grief and jealousy and fear and he doesn't know where it's going.

Except as Tim curls into a small ball on the floor, Jason realizes that he thinks he does.

He bends down, brushing the soft hair out of his face, and Tim just whimpers again. Both hands are on his stomach now, and tears are streaming down his face. Panicked and uneven breaths are leaving him, and he squeezes his eyes shut. "Jason, I'm scared," he whispers, and Jason doesn't even think before he's picking up Tim. Tim's head rolls onto Jason's shoulder, and Jason just toes on his boots and runs outside to his car.

"Don't worry, Tim," he whispers. "I'm taking you to the hospital, you're going to be okay."

This just proves what a sack of shit Jason is because he's hurting Tim and his baby, this baby that he's so excited about because he can't control his emotions. A flare of self-loathing lights up in Jason, but it's gone and Tim screams in pain, the scream petering out to sobs.

Jason's heart goes cold. He can't feel anything, he has to push all feelings out of his mind, but he's so fucking stressed and he can barely think right now. Thinking about not feeling just has him feeling more and that just makes Tim hurt more, curling up in the passenger seat as he drives them to the hospital, Jason's own tears blurring the streets before him.

He breaks about ten different traffic laws getting Tim to the hospital, at one point literally driving on the sidewalk because Gotham during rush hour traffic is just one long, terrible joke.

Tim cries the entire way there.

It breaks Jason's fucking heart, because he knows that he's doing this and he can't do a damn thing to make it feel better. It's forever and a minute before he pulls up to the hospital doors, grabbing Tim from the backseat and carrying him in. He's sure he's a mess, but he doesn't care, he just wants to get help for Tim and the baby.

He runs to the nurse's station, holding Tim close to him, Tim breathing sobs onto Jason's shirt as so much pain is wracked through his body.

"Help him," he growls to the nurse sitting at the desk, green starting to invade his eyes. "He's pregnant."

Those are magic words. The nurse jumps up, calling for an orderly to bring a bed to put him on. Jason doesn't want to let him go, and it's only because of the fact that Jason thinks about the fact if he doesn't let go, God only knows what will happen to Tim and the baby. He hardly knows anything about soulmates, and he's hating himself so much for that fact right now. If he had only bothered to listen more, to study more, then maybe he could actually be useful to Tim.

As it is right now, he can only watch Tim be put on the bed and get wheeled away, one nurse standing aside, ready to ask him a million and one questions that Jason has no idea how to answer beyond the obvious.

His name is Tim Drake.

Yes, that Tim Drake.

He's ten weeks pregnant.

Yes, everything was fine before this.

No, Jason doesn't know how well he's been taking care of himself.

Jason doesn't know if Tim's been taking any medication.

He does know that Tim doesn't have a spleen.

Does he know why he collapsed?

"Yes," he forces out. He doesn't know if he should say this to a nurse, especially when he doesn't know anything about her, but he forces that thought out of his mind.

And then tries to get it back just in case he pushed it to Tim and that's causing him even more pain.

The nurse waits with a raised eyebrow, and he takes a deep breath. "I'm soulmates. With him and Dick Grayson. And I found out and I haven't figured out the best way to tell them yet, but then Tim came over today and before I could get a word out about the soulmate news, he tells me that he's pregnant and they're engaged and I don't know. I just started feeling all these emotions and then they left me and Tim started acting sick and started crying and I felt more emotions and those bastards left me too and it was just a complete fucking cycle because I can't stop feeling and they won't stop leaving." He feels weak himself. "I don't know what's going on and I'm so scared. How bad am I hurting?"

He looks at the nurse, and her face is pale. "Okay, okay. He doesn't know? Okay, Mister . . . ?"

"Todd," Jason forces out. "My name's Jason Todd."

She nods. "Okay, Mister Todd. You need to come with me." She grabs his hand and pulls him towards the doors that Tim was wheeled through, leads him to a room where Tim is hooked up to machines and an IV and someone putting away the ultrasound they were just working on. "Lay down next to him, bury your face in his neck, and place your hand on his stomach. I'm going to get into contact with Dick Grayson, and you just need to relax, okay?"

Jason nods and does what she says. Tim smells like raspberries and cinnamon and snow and roses, and all the many good things in the world, and none of the bad. He tightens his hand in Tim's shirt, and takes a deep breath when Tim subconsciously raises his hand to Jason's. He closes his eyes, and finds himself drifting into a dreamless sleep.

*

He wakes up to a hand on his shoulder, and he jumps, only calming when he sees that it's an exhausted Dick.

He moves to stand up, but Dick pushes him back down on the bed. "You're an omega," he states plainly. Jason opens his mouth, and he doesn't know if it's to explain or deny, but Dick holds up a hand and that's enough of that. Jason keeps his mouth shut as he lets Dick say his next words.

"I don't care about why you've been hiding this - actually, I do, but this is not the fucking place - but God, Jason, thank you so much for taking care of him." Dick collapses into the chair next to the bed, and combs his fingers through his hair. God, he's a handsome motherfucker with those broad shoulders that pull at his police uniform in all the right places and bright blue eyes and tan skin and thick dark hair. He's always had a crush on Dick.

He can't believe that he can actually allow himself to feel it.

Except he can't allow himself to feel it, because he can't ruin Tim and Dick's life like this, just interrupting their happy marriage and pregnancy.

"The doctors say that everything's okay with him and the baby, but they said that I should talk to you about the issue. So please, for the love of God, Jason, can you tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Jason could lie. He knows that he could. He knows how fucking easy it would be to lie, but he can't. He can't do that to Dick and Tim, even though he knows how much it would destroy their happiness to have him barge into their life, but even less can he let this happen again. So he'll tell them, and then he'll go away where he won't have to breathe a single word about this to anyone and leave Dick and Tim alone like they'll surely want and appreciate.

He takes a deep breath, and then realizes he can't say it. So he turns around, pulls down his shirt sleeve and lets Dick see his soulmark.

The sharp intake of breath tells Jason all he needs to know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the long wait between each chapter, guys, and I thank you so much for your support. I have no plans to abaondon this fic or any of my DC fics, and I hope you find them worth the wait.
> 
> <3
> 
> thank you to Kiyoko for the betawork.

Dick doesn't say anything, and it's fucking terrifying. He's staring at the wall behind him, arm bent in an uncomfortable position to show Dick the soulmark on his shoulder, and he's waiting for Dick to say something, to say  _ anything. _ To not leave Jason in this state of uncertainty.

It's three minutes and thirty-seven seconds before Dick finally says, "How long have you known?" His voice is chilling, and it brings unbidden tears to Jason's eyes. Of course, Dick isn't happy that he's his soulmate. Of course, Dick wants Jason out of his life. Their lives. Dick, Tim, and their baby's.

He lets go of his shirt, and brings his trembling hand close to his body. He needs to get out of this bed and get on with his life, but the words stumble out of him, his heart beating wildly. "About a week," he whispers.

"A week?" Dick hisses, walking around the edge of the bed to glare down at Jason, his teeth bared. "You've known for a fucking week? How the fuck could you do that, Jason?"

"I wasn't ready," he says.

"It doesn't really matter!" Dick yells. "This is your fault."

No, Jason will take a lot of crap, but he's not going to take this. "My fault? How the fuck is Tim in this bed  _ my _ fault?"

Dick laughs bitterly. "Jesus Christ, Jason. Do you not know how soulmates work?" Dick's eyes are narrowed, but something in them lights up and his face smooths out into shock. "Holy shit, you don't."

"Yes, I  _ do _ ," Jason starts to stay, but Bruce's voice interrupts him. "No, Jason, I really don't think you do."

Jason and Dick both turn to look at their father, and a part of Jason is glad that Dick has a new place to redirect his anger. "You knew about this?"

"For a day," Bruce says, exhaustion clear in his voice. "I gave him a week to tell you. I didn't know that Tim was pregnant."

Jason's chest is heaving, and he feels lost. He has no idea what's going on right now, and he's fucking pissed. "Can you please stop talking in code? If I don't understand how soulmates work, I would like to be fucking enlightened."

Bruce sighs. "Jason, do you know that only one half of a bond knowing that it exists can kill the other half of the bond?"

A knot stretches up into Jason's throat, choking him off. "What?"

Bruce nods. "Jaylad, that's why I didn't give you time. I thought you knew, but then I began to think about it more, and I came to the conclusion that you actually didn't." He nods back towards the bed, where Tim has somehow managed to sleep through this all, but he still has a frown on his face, clutching his stomach. "Hold him, Jay." He eyes Dick. "You too."

It's been years since he was Robin, but the following of the orders comes quick. Without thinking, he wraps himself back around Tim's back, hand over his stomach. Dick presses himself against Tim's front, placing one hand on Tim's stomach as well, and combing the other through Tim's hair.

"Jason . . . do you know why Dick told me about being soulmates with Tim, even with Tim's age? It's because as soon as he saw Tim's soulmark, it created an unbalanced bond. Dick would be able to live and move about his life, but he would be feeding so much negative energy into Tim's body. Over time, it would have weakened him, and killed him, but Dick told me and Tim immediately."

The knot grows harder in Jason's throat. "I only saw Tim's."

Bruce bites his lips. "Well, that explains it. And then the pregnancy. Tim's so used to having a stable bond, and the pregnancy is introducing a level of instability. . . ."

"I was killing him," Jason says. "It's like my emotions were leaving me as soon as I felt them, and they were going into Tim."

Bruce shakes his head. "No, Jason. Normally, it takes months for the effects to be bad enough to do that. All that was happening now was Tim risking losing the baby, which was causing the extreme reaction. It's why Tim was fine for the first few days when you were in the hospital Jason. But it's why as soon as he came into contact with you, and you felt those emotions so close to him? It all went downhill." He sighs. "It's why I set an ultimatum to tell you. A week was stretching it, but I thought it was enough time for you to tell them. Otherwise. . . ."

"Me and you have an unbalanced bond right now, Jason," Dick says. "I saw yours, you haven't seen mine. You'll be fine for a few days, as long as you're not an emotional or physical distress and we don't touch. But that's not going to be the case." He removes his hands from Tim, and stands up, taking off his shirt, and turning around.

The same mark, but on the base of Dick's neck. It must be why Dick always wears such high-collared stuff. No chance for anyone to see it.

He takes a deep breath. He doesn't feel different. But now it's confirmation. He's soulmates with Dick, just as much as he's soulmates with Tim. They're the things in his life that make him happier than words can even say. He doesn't feel it though. All he does is hold Tim tighter. "How is this not hurting him?" he whispers. "If my contact. . . ."

"Your contact started the bond, and made it more uneven, but right now? You're steadying him. It's hard to say exactly what contact makes worse and what it makes better, there are still too many debates about it." Bruce looks at Tim. "You saved the baby though. No matter what, I want you to remember that."

Jason lets out a shaky sob. "After I put them in danger."

Dick has buttoned his shirt back up, and he's laying back down. His face is lined with exhaustion. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," he whispers. "It's not your fault, you didn't know." He puts his hand back on Tim's stomach, and this time he places it on top of Jason's. His other hand ends up back in Tim's hair.

And the younger omega sighs. "You really didn't." All eyes turn to him, and Tim opens his own. "I've been conscious. I just wanted to hear what Jason had to say." He looks up at Jason. "Show me." It's not a question, it's not a statement, it's a demand. Jason has no choice but to obey it. He rolls over, mourning the loss of touch to Dick and Tim, pulling down his shirt so that Tim can see. He feels Tim's soft touch, and he resists the urge to jump. He lets Tim trace the mark, those delicate fingers sending chills down his spine. "God, it's real," he hears his soulmate,  _ one _ of his soulmates, whisper. Jason rolls back to face Tim, and the expression on Tim's face can only be described as joyous. "You're my soulmate." His hands come up to circle Jason's face. "Can I kiss you?" he whispers.

Jason's embarrassed to admit it. He's twenty-four years old. He's never been kissed.

He nods, and Tim's soft, cool lips press upon his. It's a strange sensation, but it's not unpleasant. Tim's hands are in his hair, and Jason can feel the smile pressed against his lips. He tries to kiss Tim back, but Tim's talented and used to this and he's pregnant, and Jason is a virgin in so many senses that it's embarrassing. The tips of his ears are turning red, but Tim doesn't say anything, just pulls back. He's smiling widely, and he actually laughs. With joy.

He laughs with joy at being soulmates with Jason of all people, when he already has Dick.

He doesn't understand it. His eyes flick up to Dick, expecting anger, but he can't read Dick's face. He has a really good poker face. He doesn't make any move to kiss Jason however, and he feels a weird mix of relieved and offended.

Tim turns to Dick "How long am I going to be in the hospital?" he asks, clearly impatient. "I want to be in my own bed, in  _ pajamas. _ "

Dick does laughs at that. "They wanted to do some tests, but if those come back as okay, you can probably come home." He smooths his hand over Tim's belly. "Though you're staying in those pajamas and in that bed."

Tim sticks out his tongue at that, but he doesn't argue. Dick looks at Bruce and nods, and their father nods back. He stands up, leaving the room so it's just the three of them. The four of them?

Fuck, Jason is a twenty-four year old virgin who just had his first kiss, who just went through his first heat, and his soulmates are engaged and having their first kid, and it all feels like too much. Where the hell does he fit in? A million thoughts race through his mind, and the only thing he can think to say is, "I should get back to my apartment. You guys have enough going on."

Tim's head shoots up and he furrows his brow, shaking his head. "What? No," he sounds, wrapping his arms around Jason's waist and squeezing him tight. "You're not fucking leaving me, Jason. Not again."

"I didn't leave you before," he whispers, his voice caught in his throat, begging Tim to realize the truth. "I could never, ever leave you."

_ That's _ the truth. He can't leave Tim, and he can't leave Dick, but he can swear that he feels the mark on his back  _ burn _ and he knows that he needs to get out of here before he does something really stupid. Stupider than almost killing Tim, stupider than letting them know that they were soulmates, stupider than inviting himself into their apartment and destroying all their lives in the process.

Tim blinks at him, and then shakes his head. "Then what the hell  _ are _ you talking about?"

Yes, what is he talking about? What is he trying to say? He has no idea. There's so many thoughts and confusion tripping around his head, face planting and Jason wants to tear his hair out and  _ scream. _ He can't do that though, all he can do is take a deep breath and try to explain. "A lot's happened," he whispers. "You probably just want to focus on each other."

Tim and Dick share a look that Jason can't read, and then they both shake their head. Dick grabs Jason's hand and squeezes. "We need to focus with you."

Jason wants to go with them. He wants to run away. He wants to do so many things and he doesn't know what the first thing he wants to do is. He feels so exhausted, even though he has no right to it, it's Tim that almost suffered a miscarriage.

Tim almost suffered a miscarriage.

Jason almost made him suffer a miscarriage.

And he wants Jason by his side, and Jason can't even give him that?

Jason shakes his head. Fuck this shit, he's being so goddamn selfish. He can suck up his emotions for Tim. He forces a smile on his face and nods his head yes, wishing that he could feel like he's doing the right thing now.

He can't.

*

The four of them trudge back to Dick and Tim's apartment after they get the all clear. Tim should be on bedrest for the next couple weeks, but he's going to be fine and so should the baby.

The baby that Jason almost killed.

Dick has Tim in his arms, Jason right behind him, and Bruce coming up last. As Dick goes to immediately put Tim into the shower and then into bed, and Bruce goes to make sure that they have food in the kitchen and don't need Alfred to bring over food (which is still going to happen, it'll just affect how much food he brings over), Jason looks around the apartment.

He's been here so many times, but it looks different now. Probably because now Jason knows it's the place where his soulmates live.

Everything is nice, even though Dick and Tim live in it. It's organized enough, and what isn't organized probably is in their own special way. It's clean as well, big and airy in the summer with windows that open up to let the breeze in. He only lives a few blocks away from them, but it's enough so that Jason's apartment, a nice apartment in a decent area, feels small and drabbish next to this one.

He knows that Dick is happy as a detective at the GCPD, with no real interest in climbing the ranks. Tim is happily going to school to get his BA in Forensic Science so that he can join the GCPD in the future, just on a different side of things. He isn’t sure how they afford this apartment without Bruce’s money, something he knows the two of them would never take. Probably the Drake inheritance, both of Tim’s biological parents were rich enough.

And he does some photography work in his spare time, but he's been adamant about keeping it a hobby, never selling or putting things in galleries, just giving gifts to his friends if he likes a picture enough. The pictures fill the hallways, photographs of family and friends. There’s no rhyme or reason to how they’re set up, and that almost makes it nicer. And soon, the baby is going to be the star of all of Tim’s photos.

The baby.

Well, it explains why he hasn't seen Red Robin around lately, and there's a pang in his heart when he realizes that he won't for awhile, if really ever again. A year can be a lot in a vigilante's life, and Tim might not want to get back out there even when the kid's old enough that he can.

It's the end of an era, and Jason's stupid throat chokes up because damn.

He'll miss it.

He takes a deep breath and turns around.

The shower turns on, and he can imagine how kind Dick is to Tim, how sweet and domestic they must be. Bruce is looking at him strangely, and Jason just smiles at him, hoping that Bruce can ignore how his eyes are certainly turning red. He clearly doesn't, but he's willing to do it for Jason and a rush of affection crashes down upon him. God, Bruce isn't going to win a lot of awards, but there's going to be some that he can take home. Right now, he's actually being a good dad, the kind of dad that Jason's been begging him to be ever since he dragged himself out of the pit.

(There's a bitter part of his mind that wonders if he'd known that he was an omega if Bruce would have been this kind with him. Bruce always treated Tim differently, in a way that Jason never felt that he could get mad about because Tim was an omega and Jason wasn't as far as he knew. He hated it then, and he loves it now, craving the care and attention that he's getting.)

"It's okay, Jaylad," Bruce whispers, and Jason wants to know how he can be so sure of that. "Dick and Tim . . . it'll be an adjustment, but can't you see how happy they are?"

Jason can very much see how happy they are, which is what makes this entire thing terrible. Because he knows that he's going to disappoint them sooner than later.

He points to Bruce's leg, where Bruce's soulmarks are. "Do you ever think the universe made a mistake?" he asks, his voice pleading. It had to have made a mistake in so many cases. "Bruce, this is wrong."

Bruce shakes his head, and frustration rises in Jason, frustration that makes him want to tear his fucking hair out. "Jason, I know that this is a lot, but I don't think any mistakes were made here." He tilts his head. "I can assure you that you're not a mistake."

Oh, how good and nice and fatherly that sounds, and Jason can't fucking take it. He runs to Bruce, grabbing his jacket and shaking the older man, tears in his eyes that he desperately tries to blink back, but they refuse to. They start to stream down his face and it makes him want to growl in frustration, but he can't actually do that. No, he just has to stay here.

With a deep breath, he shakes his head, and lets go of Bruce, who watches him silently. He sits down on the couch, grabbing a pillow and holds it close to him, pressing his face into the material and doing his best not to scream in absolute frustration. His nails dig into the pillow, tearing at the material, but he can't feel guilty about it. He can't add another feeling to his already turbulent mind, he can't get even more stressed.

"Bruce, I don't know what I'm going to do," he whispers. "You . . . you know what they're like. They're Dick and Tim, they fit together like nothing else in the world. I can't imagine anyone else fitting in with them, but I guess I do?" His breath is shaky and he wants to burst into tears, but he presses on. "It'd be different if you found me. If my mind and my body didn't get fucked up. If it was only a couple years and not eight. But I'm always going to feel lost and out of place with my own soulmates." He gestures toward the hallway. "Bruce, they're having a fucking  _ baby.  _ They didn't need me for that. Honestly, I don't think they need me for anything except to make sure that Tim doesn't miscarry, and now that they know, they might not even need that."

"How the fuck are you getting this so wrong?" he hears Dick's voice behind him, the tone cutting and cold. He jumps, and both he and Bruce turn around to see Dick, glaring at the both of them. He didn't hear the shower turn off, but he guesses that Tim's comfortable in bed now, where he's waiting for Dick to come and hold him, like Dick always does. They're always touching, holding hands, Dick's arm around Tim's shoulders, Tim wrapping his arms around Dick's waist, always happy and in love and it fucking tears at Jason's heart. Even before he knew they were soulmates, it killed him.

He hated himself for that.

Dick strides over. "We don't need you? Jason, that's ridiculous." His eyes are frantic, not matching the tone of his voice. "You're  _ Jason. _ "

He blinks back his tears. "And what the fuck is that suppose to mean?"

Dick makes a huff of distress. "It means. . . ." He waves his hands in the air, trying to find the right words, and Jason would almost have pity on him if it weren't for the fact that he truly doesn't know what Dick means right now. He doesn't know how being himself connects to them being soulmates, because by his account, it's been eight years and it's been working out just fine that they don't have Jason in their life.

"It means that ever since me and Tim met, we both felt like something was missing, and we never knew what it was." Dick's hands hover over Jason's shoulders, like he wants to put his hands down, but he holds himself back. Jason wants Dick to touch him, he wants him to pull him close, but he can't bear to say the words, not when it means that he might get rejected.

He really couldn't take being rejected by Dick of all people. Not when Jason is waiting for the rejection, not when his heart is in his throat as the tears he's forcing back continue to fill his eyes.

With a deep breath, Dick puts his hands on Jason's shoulders, squeezing them tightly as he looks him in the eye. "Jason, I'm so sorry that I never realized you were my soulmate before." With a shock, Jason realizes that Dick has his own tears and he wants to wipe them off. Tears don't belong on Dick's face, and without even thinking about it, he reaches up to brush them away. He moves his hand back as soon as he realizes what he's doing, when it hits him that surely Dick won't want to be touched by him, but the alpha grabs his wrist and guides his hand back to Dick's cheek, pressing a kiss into his palm right before he does. The action is soft and simple, and so incredibly kind that Jason's own eyes begin to overflow.

This is what he's always wanted.

This is what he never thought he could get.

"We can't do anything about the past," Dick chokes out. "The only thing we can do is continue moving on forward to the future. And Jason, I  _ want _ you in that future."

"I'm not going to fit in," he breathes out. "You guys have an eight year head start."

Dick shakes his head. "It's not a head start, it's a-"

"No," Jason cuts in, unsure where this soft confidence is coming from, but drawing on all his strength to continue. "Don't bullshit me. It doesn't matter that you felt like something was missing right now, you need to fucking listen to me. You guys have had eight years to be happy. To know each other inside and out, to plan a life. You've had a life together, a life that I was on the outside of because of messed up circumstances. But if you want me to stay," and Jason desperately wants to stay at the same time having no idea if he actually does, " then you need to be honest with me right now, and you need to admit that."

Dick looks at him, breathing heavily, and then finally, he slowly nods. He licks his lips, and Jason does his best not to be distracted by it, but it's hard. Dick has really soft looking lips. "Alright. You're right. We-we did have a life. We have a lot of memories together. Our history only includes three weeks of not knowing that we're soulmates. So yeah. It's going to be hard, and it's not going to be the same. But I don't want the same relationship with you that I have with Tim, and I know Tim doesn't want the same relationship with you that he has with me. We want you for  _ you,  _ Jason. No one else."

"Do you love me?" Jason asks, not sure of what he wants to hear, not sure of what Dick can even answer, but wanting to hear Dick's honest words at least once.

Dick nods. "I do."

"How?"

Dick takes another deep breath, and licks his lips, and good God, how does Tim put up with it? How is  _ he _ going to be able to put up with it?

"I love you like I've loved you for years, once I got over myself and realized that my issues with Bruce shouldn't be issues I have with you. But you want honesty."

Jason nods his head. That's all he truly wants, and it's all he really needs. Complete and total honesty, told to him with a straight face.

He expects to hear the words that come out of Dick's mouth, but it still hurts to hear them. "I don't know if I love you like a soulmate yet." But his grip on Jason's hand and shoulder doesn't loosen. "But I didn't love Tim like a soulmate either when I first realized. You need to realize, hell you probably are realizing, that soulmates aren't instant like they show in the movies. It's still  _ work.  _ It's exhausting work because you want so badly to be a part of their life, and you have to earn it, even though you have it."

Jason can't stifle his gasp nor can he hide his widening eyes as Dick gets to his knees, looking up at Jason beseechingly. "Jason, I want to work for you. I want to push myself every single day to find out how we can be the best soulmates we can possibly be. As a triad and just between you and me." His hands are clasping Jason's together, cool as can be.

He stares at his hand's in Dick's. They're about the same size. Jason's tall and broad for an omega, but he can't help but feel that while that might be the case, it does feel like his hands fit perfectly inside of Dick's. "I need some time," he whispers. "Just . . . give me some time, okay?"

A look of disappointment crosses Dick's face so fast that if Jason wasn't trained to see it, he would have missed it. But Dick straightens out his face and squares his shoulders, nodding as Jason pulls his hands away gently. "Do you need me to be here tonight?" he asks. "Or can I go?"

"You can go," Dick forces out of his mouth like the words are glass. "Tim's asleep right now, and I think it was just emotions that were talking earlier. But can you come by at some point tomorrow? Just to make sure that he's really out of the woods."

Jason nods. "I'll keep my phone on me as well."

He glances at Bruce, who's attempting to give them an allusion of privacy by looking out the window, but Jason knows that he's hearing and taking in every single word. He knows that Bruce is going to offer to take him home, but Jason just wants to be alone with his thoughts. He doesn't even want to go home, though he knows that he's in no state to patrol. "I can take care of myself," he states, meeting Bruce's eyes in the reflection of the window.

His father frowns, but nods all the same and Jason quickly leaves the apartment, refusing to let himself feel anything until he's out of the building.

The Gotham night air hits him in the face, but Dick and Tim live in a nice area, so there isn't a stench to it. He closes his eyes for just a moment as he lets it breeze through him and ruffle his hair, before opening his eyes slowly and turning in a random direction. He's too worried about Tim to actually head back to his home because he doesn't want to be too far away in case Tim needs him.

Literally, needs him. 

The thought of anyone actually needing him forces a knot in his throat. He's not used to it. He's never been needed, not as Robin, not as Red Hood, not as a son. He thinks of Bruce, and forces his thoughts away, because he remembers Bruce's soulmark, and he doesn't think his thoughts are as true as he wants them to be.

It's hard to get used to the concept of being needed actually, because it means that he can't just go through life only caring about what he has to do.

He thinks that he needs a drink. There’s a bar down the street where he can nurse a whiskey. He sends the address to Kyle, and starts on his way.


End file.
